doc/mgr: edit telemetry.rst

Edit doc/mgr/telemetry.rst.

Incorporate Anthony D'Atri's suggestions from
https://github.com/ceph/ceph/pull/63739.

Signed-off-by: Zac Dover <zac.dover@proton.me>
(cherry picked from commit ac7f757db7b3644761a2295cfe5e1a9a55319f72)

diff --git a/doc/mgr/telemetry.rst b/doc/mgr/telemetry.rst
index 7449cd132d4dcc0e6b9c69b5765db1ba2a802286..577e666c932bb22d51d3b4d59902fd8d8c9af01e 100644 (file)
--- a/doc/mgr/telemetry.rst
+++ b/doc/mgr/telemetry.rst
@@ -121,8 +121,7 @@ List all channels with:
 Enabling Telemetry
 ------------------
 
-To allow the *telemetry* module to start sharing data, run the following
-command:
+To allow the *telemetry* module to share data, run the following command:
 
 .. prompt:: bash #
 
@@ -177,10 +176,10 @@ report:
 
    ceph telemetry preview-device
 
-.. note:: In order to generate the device report we use Smartmontools version
-   7.0 and up, which supports JSON output. If you have any concerns about
-   privacy with regard to the information included in this report, contact the
-   Ceph developers.
+.. note:: ``smartmontools`` version 7.0 or later must be installed so that JSON
+   output can be specified and parsed. If you have any concerns about privacy
+   with regard to the information included in this report, contact the Ceph
+   developers.
 
 When telemetry is enabled, run the following command to generate both reports
 in a single output: